If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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