booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
