We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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