I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
