He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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