I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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