it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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