why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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