why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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