a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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