I cannot find my penis.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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