His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
