so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
