My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize