I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
