I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
