I CAN MOONWALK!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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