Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
