In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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