Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
