dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
