just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
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well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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