Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
