when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
