It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
