Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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