we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
where are my eyebrows?
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