You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
