I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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