Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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