All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
