Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
