Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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