I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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