remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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