there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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