I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
smell my finger.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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