Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
