It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
