it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
