i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm passing your future prison.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
