I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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