i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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