how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
