Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
