bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
