Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
