Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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