There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
