i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
