So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
