Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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