i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize