Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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