ugly people sure do ruin things
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
