matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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