I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
