Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize