I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
